Saturday, 5 January 2008
'Oh! I've known you for ages. I don't think it's my job to tell you when you've done something well ... just when you need to improve'
So ended a conversation with someone I'd known for years ... and it hurt ... and it set me thinking!
I see many people, especially young people/young adults with a desperate need to be affirmed, noticed, respected (in the true sense) and encouraged. They have many 'friends' and colleagues whom they have known for a long time, but somehow the familiarity has also put scales on the eyes of friends, so that they no longer encourage or feed positives into their life ... only a destructive neutrality.
And yet I am often just as guilty as my friend for either prejudging (appearance, comments from other people etc) or just looking for things I can improve in others, whilst missing the core values and reasons why they are my friend in the first place. What should be a relationship becomes a monologue: I forget their needs and aim to fulfil my wants.
I remember friends at school who were devastated when they had tried their hardest and yet weren't quite good enough because the standard of their work didn't compare to the standard of work submitted by other members of the class. Rather than being helped and encouraged, they were targetted by teachers and fellow pupils; they were the butt end of jokes; they were labelled 'thick', 'stupid', 'dunces' (and worse) ... and I was right there with the crowd taunting them!!
What effect did this have on the individuals concerned?
They responded in a number of ways. They became:
Discouraged ... they perceived themselves as not good enough.
Demotivated ... their enthusiasm and interest declined and not surprisingly, their marks got worse
Disillusioned ... long-term, some of my friends gave up in that subject
Some became Disenfranchised from the education system ... they continually got into trouble with teachers, pupils and in some cases the law, and very sadly, some lost hope.
But thankfully, some became very successful people, running their own business and enjoying life.
So what happened to buck the trend?
In most cases there was either an individual who took interest in them, coached and encouraged them, hung in there and made a difference. In other cases the inner drive of these people to prove to themselves that they had value and could succeed was so strong that they drove themselves to achieve what they had been told could never happen.
I hear sad stories about people like Robbie Williams and Mick Hucknall, two high profile, talented personalities in the music world who were told by teachers at school, 'You will never amount to anything.' Ouch! Wouldn't it have been so much better if their talents had been spotted, encouraged and nurtured so that they could reach and enjoy their success without so many hangups and low self image.
As we look to cultivate our relationships with others we should start by 'earning the right' to their friendship by building trust and demonstrating that we are worth having as a friend. And once we have built these friendships and relationships, it is the responsibility of each of us to accentuate the positive rather than highlight the negative or, equally as destructive, make no comment at all.
I believe that by applying these principles to our relationships, in all areas of life, we will benefit, our friends will benefit, those around us will benefit and ultimately our businesses and ventures will benefit.
So ended a conversation with someone I'd known for years ... and it hurt ... and it set me thinking!
I see many people, especially young people/young adults with a desperate need to be affirmed, noticed, respected (in the true sense) and encouraged. They have many 'friends' and colleagues whom they have known for a long time, but somehow the familiarity has also put scales on the eyes of friends, so that they no longer encourage or feed positives into their life ... only a destructive neutrality.
And yet I am often just as guilty as my friend for either prejudging (appearance, comments from other people etc) or just looking for things I can improve in others, whilst missing the core values and reasons why they are my friend in the first place. What should be a relationship becomes a monologue: I forget their needs and aim to fulfil my wants.
I remember friends at school who were devastated when they had tried their hardest and yet weren't quite good enough because the standard of their work didn't compare to the standard of work submitted by other members of the class. Rather than being helped and encouraged, they were targetted by teachers and fellow pupils; they were the butt end of jokes; they were labelled 'thick', 'stupid', 'dunces' (and worse) ... and I was right there with the crowd taunting them!!
What effect did this have on the individuals concerned?
They responded in a number of ways. They became:
Discouraged ... they perceived themselves as not good enough.
Demotivated ... their enthusiasm and interest declined and not surprisingly, their marks got worse
Disillusioned ... long-term, some of my friends gave up in that subject
Some became Disenfranchised from the education system ... they continually got into trouble with teachers, pupils and in some cases the law, and very sadly, some lost hope.
But thankfully, some became very successful people, running their own business and enjoying life.
So what happened to buck the trend?
In most cases there was either an individual who took interest in them, coached and encouraged them, hung in there and made a difference. In other cases the inner drive of these people to prove to themselves that they had value and could succeed was so strong that they drove themselves to achieve what they had been told could never happen.
I hear sad stories about people like Robbie Williams and Mick Hucknall, two high profile, talented personalities in the music world who were told by teachers at school, 'You will never amount to anything.' Ouch! Wouldn't it have been so much better if their talents had been spotted, encouraged and nurtured so that they could reach and enjoy their success without so many hangups and low self image.
As we look to cultivate our relationships with others we should start by 'earning the right' to their friendship by building trust and demonstrating that we are worth having as a friend. And once we have built these friendships and relationships, it is the responsibility of each of us to accentuate the positive rather than highlight the negative or, equally as destructive, make no comment at all.
I believe that by applying these principles to our relationships, in all areas of life, we will benefit, our friends will benefit, those around us will benefit and ultimately our businesses and ventures will benefit.
Labels: business, business success, corporate business, customer focus, emotions, encouragement, failure, failures, feelings, honesty, integrity, relationships, success, teaching, values
Tuesday, 1 January 2008
Another Year of Potential
As Big Ben struck 12 o'clock, another new year dawned: a year full of potential to do good or bad, to help or hinder, to get stuck in or give up.
And yet with all this potential in front of us, we are probably still reeling and recovering from the previous year and its activity, demands, successes and failures.
If we are to adapt to the ever-increasing rate of change in our world it will be our ability to recognise the changes, be open to them and respond to them. It will be an ability to work together with our colleagues and friends. It will be our ability to be open to new ideas, to work with new people (perhaps even those we don't like) and be prepared to engage and increase our creativity for problem solving, product identification, relationship building, selling ... or whatever aspect of life impacts us most.
There is great potential in our schools, colleges and universities to inject passion into our students, to find new ways which enable them to discover their own talents and abilities, and not least, find new ways to resurrect and increase our own passion for what we do.
I'm excited by all that 2008 holds ... challenges and triumphs ... hope you are too.
I wish you all a very happy new year.
Stuart
And yet with all this potential in front of us, we are probably still reeling and recovering from the previous year and its activity, demands, successes and failures.
If we are to adapt to the ever-increasing rate of change in our world it will be our ability to recognise the changes, be open to them and respond to them. It will be an ability to work together with our colleagues and friends. It will be our ability to be open to new ideas, to work with new people (perhaps even those we don't like) and be prepared to engage and increase our creativity for problem solving, product identification, relationship building, selling ... or whatever aspect of life impacts us most.
There is great potential in our schools, colleges and universities to inject passion into our students, to find new ways which enable them to discover their own talents and abilities, and not least, find new ways to resurrect and increase our own passion for what we do.
I'm excited by all that 2008 holds ... challenges and triumphs ... hope you are too.
I wish you all a very happy new year.
Stuart
Labels: 2008, business, colleges, creativity, creativity in business, education, increased productivity, job satisfaction, new year, reaching our potential, reduce stress, schools, teaching, university
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